What is ARFID and why a word shift may be needed

A conversation with Natasha Lane on feeding differences, neurodivergent eating, and releasing the shame around food.

This article is based on Episode 20 of the Neurodivergent Pulse podcast, hosted by Laetitia Andrac, featuring Natasha Lane, dietitian and feeding therapist at Eating and Feeding.

Your child only eats five foods. The same five foods, every day. At birthday parties, they won't touch the cake. At family dinners, the comments start: "Have you tried making them eat it?" "They'll eat when they're hungry." "You're being too soft."

If you're nodding along, you're not alone.

For families raising neurodivergent children, mealtimes can become battlegrounds of shame, guilt, and well-meaning but unhelpful advice. But what if your child's eating isn't a problem to be fixed? What if it's how their brain experiences food?

In this episode of Neurodivergent Pulse, host Laetitia Andrac sits down with Natasha Lane, a dietitian and feeding therapist who is herself autistic and has ADHD. Through her practice, Eating and Feeding, Natasha supports neurodivergent families navigating feeding challenges, and she brings a perspective that challenges how we think about diagnoses like ARFID.

TL;DR: Key takeaways

• Feeding differences are common in neurodivergent people and are often driven by sensory aspects. Differences are differences, not impairments.

• ARFID diagnosis in young neurodivergent people is increasing, but there's significant overlap with typical neurodivergent eating patterns, raising questions about whether we're pathologising a neurobiological trait.

• What looks "restrictive" through a neurotypical lens can be completely normal for a neurodivergent child. Natasha shares her own child's daily food intake as an example.

• Guilt and shame don't help. If your child needs calories, it doesn't matter how they get them. Insisting on a "balanced diet" when a child can't achieve it only promotes harm.

• What your child eats is no one else's business. You don't owe explanations to family, friends, or schools.

When "picky eating" is neurodivergent eating

Natasha begins by drawing an important distinction. Feeding differences, she explains, are common in neurodivergent populations and are often driven by sensory aspects. These differences sit outside what's considered "normal" by neurotypical standards, but that doesn't make them disordered.

As she puts it: "With differences to us is a difference rather than an impairment."

This reframe matters.

When we view a child's limited food preferences as a "difference" rather than a "disorder," we shift from trying to fix them to trying to understand them. We move from shame to acceptance.

Natasha acknowledges that eating disorders are real and serious, requiring strong support and intervention. But she's careful to distinguish between clinical eating disorders and the everyday feeding differences that many neurodivergent people experience.

The problem with diagnosing ARFID in young neurodivergent people

ARFID, or Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder, is a relatively new addition to the DSM. Natasha acknowledges its reality while expressing concern about how it's being applied.

"I do know that ARFID is true and it is real," she says. "But I do also feel as though there is a big overlap between what is typical neurodivergent eating and the criteria for ARFID."

Her concern centres on a fundamental tension:

If you want to affirm someone's being and who they are and how they operate, and at the same time we're labelling an everyday activity as problematic, there is a mismatch there.

This is particularly concerning when it comes to young children who are still forming their identities. Natasha asks a provocative question: "Are we setting these kids up to identify with an eating disorder rather than a neurobiological trait?"

It's not that ARFID doesn't exist or that some children don't need clinical support. It's that the increasing diagnosis of ARFID in young neurodivergent people may be pathologising something that is, for many, part of how they experience the world.

What "normal" neurodivergent eating looks like

To show parents what typical neurodivergent eating might look like, Natasha shares her own child's daily food intake. This is what she accepts as normal in her household:

• Breakfast: A high-protein milk drink (like Sustagen or Up&Go)

• School snacks: A small bag of chips and some chocolate

• Lunch: Another portable drink that can be thrown in the bin

• After school: Free rein, as they're working to maintain weight. This might be biscuits, chips, lollies, or yoghurt.

• Dinner: The same dinner since age four: a plate of fruit and vegetables (with seasonal taste sensitivities, so some items don't feature if the flavour is "off"), followed by chicken nuggets and chips (only plain, only a specific brand), then ice cream

• After dinner: Free rein again

"This is what I accept as normal at my house," Natasha says.

For parents who've been told their child's eating is "wrong" or "disordered," seeing a feeding professional describe a similar pattern as "normal" can be profoundly validating.

How to release the guilt and shame around food

Natasha acknowledges the enormous pressure parents face, both external and internal. "Food is not simply food," she explains. "Food is tied back into our values and to our culture and to so many other things."

This is why shifting beliefs about food is so difficult. It's not about what's on the plate; it's about what being a "good parent" means, what family meals "should" look like, and generations of cultural expectations.

Her advice is grounded in practicality. Many of the children she sees are underweight and need calories. "It doesn't really matter how it gets in there," she says.

And for parents still holding onto the "balanced plate" ideal: "If you can't do that, then reminding someone that they need to eat a balanced diet and they can't do it just promotes guilt and shame for both parents and children."

The first step, Natasha suggests, is seeking professional support. Not to "fix" your child, but to get reassurance and guidance for yourself. Tools like Understanding Zoe can help parents track patterns, understand their child's needs, and communicate effectively with schools and professionals, turning observations into actionable next steps.

Practical strategies for advocating at school and social events

One of the most challenging aspects of having a child with feeding differences is navigating other people's opinions. Natasha offers practical strategies:

For schools

Natasha recommends writing a letter that goes on the school file. This letter should specify what teachers should and shouldn't do: "Don't talk about food, don't force the child to interact if they don't want to, and they need to know what they can do as an alternative to discussing food."

She also references the NADC guidelines around schools and how they should talk about food, noting that "good and bad food rhetoric is not helpful for guilt and shame but also for eating disorder awareness."

For family and friends

When well-meaning relatives offer unsolicited advice, Natasha suggests a simple script: "I know you're worried, but don't worry. We have professionals that we're working with that are giving us great advice."

This shuts down the conversation without requiring you to justify or explain your child's eating.

For social events

"I would certainly feed our children before we go somewhere," Natasha shares. "So if we're going somewhere where there's food, whether they've eaten or not, I will say, 'Oh, they've already eaten.'"

She makes a powerful comparison: "If a child had an allergy, no one would ask a question. But you shouldn't have to give up the information in order for someone to be compassionate and understanding."

And her most memorable statement:

Ultimately what you eat and what your children eat is no one else's business.

Signs you're on the right track

How do you know when things are improving? Natasha says families typically pivot when they have a clear sense of what their child needs and can focus on that without distractions from "helpful, well-meaning family and friends or professionals that don't have a good grasp of what they are encountering."

Progress comes when parents can filter out the noise and focus on their child. When the whole family is on the same page, "confidence and competence return for these children."

It's a whole-family effort, and it takes time. But it starts with accepting where you are and taking steps from there.

Frequently asked questions

What's the difference between feeding differences and ARFID?

Feeding differences are common variations in how neurodivergent people experience and relate to food, often driven by sensory aspects. ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) is a clinical diagnosis in the DSM. While there's overlap, Natasha suggests that many neurodivergent eating patterns that meet ARFID criteria may be better understood as neurobiological traits rather than disorders.

Should I be worried if my child only eats a few foods?

Not necessarily. Many neurodivergent children have limited food preferences, and this can be completely normal for them. The key questions are: Is your child getting enough calories? Are they growing? If you're concerned, seek support from a professional who understands neurodivergent eating, not to "fix" your child, but to get reassurance and practical guidance.

How do I respond when family members criticise my child's eating?

Natasha suggests: "I know you're worried, but don't worry. We have professionals that we're working with that are giving us great advice." This acknowledges their concern while shutting down the conversation. Remember: what your child eats is no one else's business.

What should I tell my child's school about their eating?

Consider writing a letter for the school file that specifies what teachers should and shouldn't do. Include instructions like: don't talk about food, don't force interaction around eating, and provide alternatives to food-focused activities.

Final thoughts: your child's eating is not your failure

If there's one message to take from this conversation, it's this: neurodivergent eating is not inherently disordered. It's a natural expression of how your child experiences the world.

You don't owe anyone an explanation for what your child eats. You don't need to justify the same dinner every night, the specific brand of chips, or the foods that never make it onto the plate.

What you can do is seek support for yourself, focus on what your child needs (often calories and acceptance), and learn to advocate without shame.

As Natasha reminds us: what your child eats is no one else's business.

Connect with Natasha Lane

Natasha Lane is an autistic ADHDer, dietitian, feeding therapist, parent, and grandparent. Through her practice, Eating and Feeding, she supports neurodivergent families navigating feeding challenges, food shame, and neuronormative expectations around eating. Her lived experience with sensory sensitivities to food and being misunderstood as "fussy" or "too hard" is the heart of her practice.

• Website: www.eatingandfeeding.com.au

• Instagram: @eating_and_feeding