Art of Belonging: ADHD, Creativity & Regulation

This article is based on Episode 23 of the Neurodivergent Pulse podcast, featuring Madeleine Jaine Lobsey in conversation with host Laetitia Andrac. Listen to the full conversation on Spotify or your favourite podcast platform.

What if ADHD wasn't about deficit, but about innovation?

For too long, ADHD has been framed through a lens of lack: lack of focus, lack of control, lack of ability to keep up. But what if we flipped that narrative? What if ADHD was a different operating system, one built for creativity, connection, and divergent thinking?

That's the powerful reframe at the heart of this conversation with Madeleine Jaine Lobsey, transformational leader, creative strategist, autistic and ADHD founder of Wondiverse, and host of the Neurodelight podcast.

Madeleine's late diagnosis at 49 unlocked a new understanding of herself and a new way of leading. Through her work in community design, leadership development, and neurodivergent advocacy, she's helping individuals and organisations see ADHD not as something to manage, but as a strength to harness.

This article unpacks the key insights from our conversation: why ADHD is fundamentally about regulation, how creativity and play create safe spaces for self-expression, the grief and empowerment of late diagnosis, and why divergent thinking drives innovation.

Whether you're a parent, educator, therapist, or someone navigating ADHD yourself, this is your invitation to see ADHD differently and to create spaces where neurodivergent people can belong.

ADHD is about regulation, not laziness

One of the most damaging myths about ADHD is that it's about laziness, lack of willpower, or not trying hard enough. But ADHD is fundamentally about regulation: how our nervous systems respond to stimulation, transitions, and demands.

"I think one of the really common misconceptions with ADHD is those things like you're either hyperfocused or you're lazy or you're super energetic and people look at it that way where actually what's fundamental is regulation and an inability to regulate," Madeleine says.

She uses the analogy of car pistons to illustrate this. A neurotypical person's systems move up and down in a regulated rhythm. But for a neurodivergent person, that motion may be too quick, stop altogether, or be jarring, which impacts the rest of the system.

This reframe is critical. When we understand ADHD as a regulation challenge, we stop blaming the person and start looking at the environment. What supports are in place? What's causing dysregulation? How can we create conditions that help the nervous system feel safe?

For parents, this means recognising that your child's difficult behaviour is often a sign of dysregulation, not defiance. For adults with ADHD, it means giving yourself permission to need different strategies for managing ADHD transitions and daily routines.

Regulation isn't about forcing yourself to fit a neurotypical mould. It's about understanding your nervous system and creating rhythms, routines, and environments that work for you.

Regulation tools: Creativity and play

When Madeleine talks about her work at Wondiverse, one theme comes up again and again: play.

Not play as a break from real work, but play as a vital regulation tool. Play creates safety. It invites curiosity. It allows people to explore, experiment, and express themselves without the pressure of getting it right.

"What we find with creative activity or play-based activity is it's a real opportunity for regulation and regulating in a way that works for you," Madeleine explains. "There's not like tight parameters to it. It's got a loose scope that you can be inside of to regulate yourself."

This is especially true for neurodivergent children and adults, who often spend so much energy masking, performing, and trying to fit in. Play offers a reprieve from that pressure. It's a space where there are no wrong answers, no judgments, just exploration.

Madeleine shared how she didn't recognise her own ADHD because she associated it only with physical hyperactivity. It wasn't until later that she realised her childhood dancing was a form of regulation that supported her executive functioning.

For parents, this might mean letting go of structured activities and allowing your child to lead. For adults, it might mean giving yourself permission to engage in creative pursuits without needing them to be productive or perfect.

Creativity and play aren't frivolous. They're essential for regulation, connection, and joy. To learn more about how play supports neurodivergent development, explore the power of play for neurodivergent children.

The grief and empowerment of late diagnosis

Madeleine was diagnosed with ADHD and autism at 49. For many people, late diagnosis brings a mix of emotions: relief, validation, grief, and sometimes anger.

Madeleine was initially hesitant about getting a diagnosis, but spending time with other neurodivergent adults who demonstrated the value and power of having one changed her perspective. She could see what they had, and she wanted it too.

She reflects on how ADHD in women often gets hidden behind labels like eccentric, creative, dramatic, or just kind. Women learn to mask and survive, but this comes at a cost. "As I went on in my life, there was a greater and greater cost to me. And I began to notice I just did not have the energy to keep going the way that I was going."

But alongside the grief is empowerment. "I feel like you also get your hands on the levers and dials of your life," Madeleine shares. "You can start to see what works for you, can start to see what you need to be really empowered."

Understanding your neurodivergence gives you language for your experiences. It helps you make sense of patterns that never quite fit. It allows you to stop blaming yourself and start advocating for what you need.

If you're navigating a late diagnosis, or supporting someone who is, know that it's okay to feel all the feelings. Grief and empowerment can coexist. And understanding your neurodivergence is a gift, even if it comes later than you wish it had.

Many people with ADHD also experience rejection sensitivity, which can add another layer to the late diagnosis experience. Understanding Zoe's research on neurodivergent families shows that over three in five parents raising neurodivergent children are neurodivergent themselves, bringing both deep empathy and lived understanding to their caregiving.

Why divergent thinking drives innovation

One of the most exciting parts of this conversation is Madeleine's perspective on divergent thinking: the ability to see connections others miss, to think outside the box, to approach problems from unexpected angles.

Madeleine shares wisdom from an elder in the neurodivergent community that transformed her perspective: "Even from an evolutionary perspective, the way that neurodivergent people think is the predominant source of innovation for humanity. Most innovation comes from divergent thinking and it comes from systems thinking and associative thinking."

But too often, workplaces and schools are designed for convergent thinking: linear, predictable, step-by-step processes. Neurodivergent people, especially those with ADHD, thrive in environments that allow for flexibility, creativity, and exploration.

When we create space for divergent thinking, we unlock innovation. We solve problems in new ways. We design systems that work for more people, not just the neurotypical majority. With one in five people neurodivergent globally (Understanding Zoe's research), workplaces and schools need to create space for divergent thinking if they want to remain relevant and innovative.

For parents, this means celebrating your child's unique way of thinking, even when it doesn't fit the school mould. For workplaces, it means rethinking how you structure tasks, meetings, and expectations to make room for neurodivergent strengths.

Divergent thinking isn't a deficit. It's a competitive advantage.

Choice and control as foundations for co-regulation

One of the most practical insights from this conversation is the importance of choice and control in co-regulation.

"In any environment where there are choices in participating, not participating, in the way that you can participate and then you get to have the say about your participation, not participating or what you're going to participate in, there is an instant sense of safety and an instant almost instant sense of regulation," Madeleine explains.

This is especially important for neurodivergent children, who often have so many decisions made for them. What they wear, what they eat, where they go, how they spend their time: so much of their day is dictated by adults.

Offering choice doesn't mean letting your child do whatever they want. It means giving them agency within boundaries. Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the red shirt? Do you want to do homework before or after dinner? Do you want to take a break now or in five minutes?

Madeleine shared a practical example from her own home. She struggles with bright light, while her husband loves it. Their solution? Creating zones in the house with different lighting levels. "He can be at the kitchen island bench under really bright light and I can be only a couple of metres away sitting on a chair in the dark and we're participating together but in a way that works for us."

These small moments of choice help children feel seen, respected, and in control. And when they feel in control, they're more regulated.

For adults, this might mean giving yourself permission to structure your day in a way that works for you, rather than forcing yourself into a rigid schedule that leaves you depleted. Understanding energy management for neurodivergent individuals can help you make choices that support your regulation.

Co-regulation isn't about controlling behaviour. It's about creating safety, connection, and trust.

Building spaces where neurodivergent people belong

At the heart of Madeleine's work is a simple but powerful belief: everyone deserves to belong.

Not belong by fitting in. Not belong by masking. But belong as they are.

When you allow people to be, magic happens.

That's what Wondiverse is all about: creating spaces where neurodivergent people can show up fully. Madeleine described a sound-based event at the Brisbane Powerhouse where one room had a silent disco with festival DJs, another had silent art making with visual cues, and another space had people writing lyrics for musicians to turn into songs on the spot.

"So there were all these different opportunities to participate and not participate and it was for all people and all ages," Madeleine shares. "So we had 25-year-olds like raving with the DJs and then families on the other side of the same dance floor dancing to Taylor Swift."

The feedback from families is powerful: "We want to come to things like this but when we come we last 10, 15 minutes before it's too much for us. I've been here for 3 hours and my kid doesn't want to leave."

And perhaps most movingly: "When other people get how great your kid is, there's nothing like it."

This isn't just about physical spaces. It's about culture. It's about language. It's about how we design programmes, set expectations, and respond when someone struggles.

For parents, this might mean rethinking your home environment to make it more supportive of your child's needs. For educators, it might mean shifting from compliance-based classrooms to connection-based ones. For workplaces, it might mean offering flexibility, accommodations, and genuine inclusion.

Belonging isn't something neurodivergent people need to earn. It's something they deserve, simply by being human.

Frequently asked questions

How can I support my ADHD child at home?

Start by understanding that ADHD is about regulation, not behaviour. Create predictable routines, offer choices within boundaries, and make space for play and creativity. Focus on connection over correction, and remember that your child's nervous system needs different support than a neurotypical child's. For practical strategies, explore creating ADHD-friendly environments at home.

What is divergent thinking, and why does it matter?

Divergent thinking is the ability to generate multiple solutions to a problem, see connections others miss, and approach challenges from unexpected angles. It's a hallmark of ADHD and a key driver of innovation. When we create environments that value divergent thinking, we unlock creativity, problem-solving, and new possibilities.

How do I know if my child is dysregulated or just being difficult?

Dysregulation often looks like difficult behaviour: meltdowns, refusal, shutdowns. But the key difference is that dysregulation is a nervous system response, not a choice. Look for patterns: Is your child overwhelmed by sensory input? Are they struggling with transitions? Have they had a lot of demands placed on them? When you see behaviour as communication, you can respond with support rather than punishment.

What does co-regulation look like in practice?

Co-regulation means helping your child (or yourself) return to a calm, regulated state by offering safety, connection, and support. This might look like sitting quietly with your child during a meltdown, offering a sensory tool, validating their feelings, or simply being present. It's not about fixing or controlling; it's about creating safety so the nervous system can settle.

How can I advocate for my neurodivergent child at school?

Start by building a collaborative relationship with your child's teacher. Share what you know about your child's strengths and needs. Ask questions about how the classroom is structured and what accommodations are available. Use language that focuses on support, not deficits. And remember, you are the expert on your child; trust your instincts and advocate fiercely when needed.

TL;DR: Key takeaways

• ADHD is fundamentally about regulation, not laziness or lack of willpower

• Creativity and play are essential regulation tools, not frivolous activities

• Late diagnosis brings both grief and empowerment; both are valid

• Divergent thinking is a strength that drives innovation and problem-solving

• Offering choice and control helps neurodivergent people feel safe and regulated

• True belonging means creating spaces where people can be themselves, without masking

Final thoughts: when you allow people to be, magic happens

Madeleine's work is a powerful reminder that neurodivergence isn't something to fix. It's something to honour, celebrate, and harness.

When we stop trying to force neurodivergent people into neurotypical moulds and start creating environments that support their unique ways of being, we unlock potential. We foster innovation. We build communities where everyone belongs.

For parents, this means letting go of the idea that your child needs to keep up with their peers. For educators, it means rethinking how you structure learning. For workplaces, it means valuing divergent thinking and creating flexibility.

And for neurodivergent people themselves, it means giving yourself permission to be exactly who you are, without apology, without shame, without needing to prove your worth.

Because when you allow people to be, magic happens. And that's where true belonging begins. If you're navigating the ups and downs of neurodivergent family life, remember the importance of embracing the reality of neurodivergent family life.

Connect with Madeleine Jaine Lobsey

Madeleine Jaine Lobsey is a transformational leader, creative strategist, and the autistic and ADHD founder of Wondiverse. She is also the host of the Neurodelight podcast. Her work focuses on creating spaces where neurodivergent people can work and play together, grounded in joy, belonging, and transformation.

• Website: wondiverse.com.au

• Instagram: @wondiverse