Finding belonging in the chaos: The power of peer support for neurodivergent families

This article is based on Episode 26 of the Neurodivergent Pulse podcast: Finding belonging in the chaos: The power of peer support for Neurodivergent families with Kristy Cartan & Eliza Hoare.

TL;DR

• Peer support creates spaces where neurodivergent families don't have to explain themselves

• Family-led organisations like Belongside Families offer deeper understanding through lived experience

• Connection reduces isolation, shame, and burnout for parents raising neurodivergent children

• Neuroaffirming spaces allow parents to unmask, learn safely, and rebuild confidence

• Community support is essential, not optional, for neurodivergent families

• Regional and rural families especially benefit from accessible peer connection

• Lived experience combined with evidence-based practice creates the most effective support

When you finally find your people

You walk into a room full of parents. Before you finish describing your morning—the meltdown over socks, the school refusal, the sensory overload at breakfast—someone nods and says, "Us too."

No judgment. No advice about trying harder. Just recognition.

That's the power of peer support for neurodivergent families. It's not a luxury. It's a lifeline.

In this episode of Neurodivergent Pulse, host Laetitia Andrac sits down with Kristy Cartan and Eliza Hoare from Belongside Families, a family-led organisation supporting parents and carers raising neurodivergent children. Together, they explore what happens when families finally find spaces where they truly belong, and why that belonging matters.

What makes family-led support different?

Belongside Families isn't run by clinicians looking in from the outside. It's led by parents who are living it.

Both Kristy and Eliza are neurodivergent themselves (AuDHD: Autistic and ADHD), and both are raising neurodivergent children. That lived experience shapes everything they do, from how they facilitate groups to the language they use to the flexibility built into their programs.

As Kristy explains:

Family led isn't just a tagline. It means we're not sitting above families. We're actually beside them. Everything we offer comes from that place.
— Kristy Cartan

Understanding Zoe's research on neurodivergent families found that over three in five parents raising neurodivergent children also identify as neurodivergent themselves, either through formal assessment or self-identification. Their insights bring both empathy and endurance: understanding their children's needs intuitively while managing similar challenges in their own lives.

Kristy and Eliza share their own journeys of discovering their children's neurodivergence, and their own, and how that experience led them to create spaces where parents can connect, share, learn and feel understood. Many families come to peer support groups seeking practical strategies for managing emotional outbursts in neurodivergent children, and find that the shared understanding is as valuable as the techniques themselves.

This isn't about replacing professional support. It's about adding a layer that professionals can't always provide: the deep, embodied understanding that comes from walking the same path.

The hidden isolation of neurodivergent parenting

Raising a neurodivergent child can be profoundly isolating, especially when the outside world doesn't understand.

This isolation is widespread. Our research shows that nine in ten parents of neurodivergent children feel their experience is misunderstood or invisible: a sense of being constantly evaluated by professionals, family, or the public, yet rarely seen.

You feel like:

• You're the only one whose child can't handle birthday parties

• Other parents are silently judging your "parenting choices"

• You're failing because strategies that work for other families don't work for yours

• You can't talk openly about your struggles without being met with "helpful" advice that misses the point entirely

Kristy captures this exhaustion:

Parents are tired and like just not just tired, but like bone weary. The kind where you're holding everything together on the outside, but like underneath you're like that little duck swimming. There's a lot going on.
— Kristy Cartan

Together they explore the profound impact of peer connection, lived experience and neuroaffirming support for families navigating the complex realities of raising autistic and ADHD children. Topics like rejection sensitivity and building confidence come up frequently in peer groups, where parents can share strategies without judgment.

Peer support breaks that isolation. It reminds you that you're not alone, you're not failing, and your child isn't broken.

Why neuroaffirming spaces matter

Not all support groups are created equal.

Traditional parent groups often operate from a deficit-based model: How do we fix the child? How do we make them fit in? How do we reduce behaviours?

Belongside Families takes a different approach. Their spaces are neuroaffirming, meaning they:

• Celebrate neurodivergence as a natural part of human diversity

• Focus on understanding and supporting needs, not changing the child

• Use respectful, identity-first language (e.g., "autistic person" rather than "person with autism," when that's the individual's preference)

• Create environments where parents can unmask and be themselves

Eliza explains their approach:

We try to move away from the idea that there is one right way to show up.
— Eliza Hoare

Many parents arrive at peer groups exhausted from masking—not just their children, but themselves. They've been told to "stay positive," to "not make excuses," to "be grateful it's not worse."

In neuroaffirming spaces, parents can drop that mask. They can say, "This is hard," without being met with toxic positivity. They can ask questions without fear of judgment. They can learn at their own pace, in ways that work for their own neurodivergent brains.

As Eliza notes, many parents are discovering their own neurodivergence while supporting their children, and Belongside designs their workshops with this in mind, offering sensory and cognitive accessibility from the ground up.

How peer support reduces shame and rebuilds confidence

Shame is one of the most damaging emotions neurodivergent families carry.

Shame about your child's meltdowns in public. Shame about needing help. Shame about not being the parent you thought you'd be. Shame about your own struggles if you're neurodivergent too.

Peer support groups dismantle that shame.

When you hear another parent describe the exact same experience you had last Tuesday, something shifts. You realise:

• You're not a bad parent

• Your child isn't broken

• The strategies that don't work for you weren't designed for neurodivergent families in the first place

Kristy describes what happens when parents first join a peer group:

I've heard people say I've never actually spoken to other people who get this before or I've never said this out loud before because you know sometimes it doesn't feel like you're around other people who get what you're going to say and you might feel like there's going to be judgment.
— Kristy Cartan

That permission to be seen, to let go of the "shoulds," to trust your instincts—it rebuilds confidence. Not the confidence that you'll get it right every time, but the confidence that you're doing your best in a system that wasn't built for you. And that's enough.

Connection for regional and rural families

One of the biggest barriers to peer support is geography.

If you live in a regional or rural area, you might not have access to local neurodivergent parent groups. You might be hours away from the nearest therapist who understands your child's needs. You might feel even more isolated because there aren't other families nearby who "get it."

This is where organisations like Belongside Families are making a real difference. They offer:

• Virtual peer groups via platforms like Zoom, so families anywhere in Australia can connect

• Online resources including guides, webinars, and workshops

• A private Facebook community where parents can ask questions, share wins, and support each other around the clock

Kristy shares stories of parents in remote areas who've found their village online—parents they've never met in person but who understand them better than anyone in their physical community. As she describes it, you can be at home in your trackies and still find connection with people who see you and get you.

This conversation is a powerful reminder that community is not a luxury for neurodivergent families—it's essential. When families face systemic barriers and neurodiversity bias in schools, healthcare, and social services, peer support becomes a lifeline that helps them navigate these challenges with shared wisdom and collective advocacy.

Lived experience plus evidence-based practice = the gold standard

One of the most important points Kristy and Eliza make is this: lived experience and professional expertise aren't opposites—they're complementary.

Belongside Families doesn't reject evidence-based practice. They integrate it. But they do so through a lens of lived experience, which means:

• Strategies are adapted to real-life contexts (not just clinical settings)

• Language is accessible and free of jargon

• Flexibility is built in, because neurodivergent families need flexibility

• Parents' expertise about their own children is honoured and centred

Eliza, who contributes to workshop development and resource creation, explains how they test strategies against real-world constraints:

We're going to use the evidence to explain why something is happening when we put a resource out there or we do a workshop, but then we use our lived experience to create the how.
— Eliza Hoare

They ask practical questions like: Does this work when there are siblings in the picture? Does it work at 5:00 p.m. on a Tuesday when everyone's hungry and the baby is screaming?

This approach means that peer facilitators like Kristy bring warmth, empathy, and relatability to their groups, not because they've read about it, but because they've lived it.

What Belongside Families offers

If you're wondering what peer support looks like in practice, here's what Belongside Families provides:

Autism MyTime groups

These are facilitated peer support groups for parents and carers of autistic children. Groups meet regularly (virtual and in-person options available) and provide a safe space to connect, share, and learn.

Workshops and webinars

Topics include understanding autism, navigating the NDIS, supporting siblings, self-care for carers, and more. These are designed to be practical, accessible, and affirming.

The Count Me In guide

A resource co-created by Belongside Families to help families, educators, and communities create more inclusive environments for neurodivergent children.

Private online community

A Facebook group where parents can connect, ask questions, share resources, and support each other outside of scheduled group times.

Advocacy and systemic change

Belongside Families also works at a systemic level, advocating for policy changes and greater inclusion in schools, healthcare, and community settings.

Frequently asked questions

What is peer support, and how is it different from therapy?

Peer support is connection and shared learning between people with similar lived experiences—in this case, parents raising neurodivergent children. It's not therapy, and it's not a replacement for professional support. Instead, it's a complementary layer that offers understanding, validation, and practical wisdom from people who truly get it.

Do I need a diagnosis to join a peer support group?

Not necessarily. Many groups, including those run by Belongside Families, welcome families who are on a diagnostic journey or who are supporting children with suspected neurodivergence. The focus is on connection and support, not gatekeeping.

What if I'm neurodivergent myself?

Even better. Many peer support groups are designed to be neurodivergent-friendly, with considerations for sensory needs, communication preferences, and pacing. You're not just welcome—you're understood.

How can I find peer support in my area?

Start by searching for local autism or neurodivergent parent groups through organisations like Belongside Families. Online communities can also provide valuable connection, especially for regional families. Beyond peer support, practical strategies like creating ADHD-friendly home environments can help reduce daily stress and create more capacity for connection.

What if I don't have time for regular meetings?

Many organisations offer flexible options, including drop-in sessions, online forums, and recorded webinars you can watch on your own schedule. Connection doesn't have to be time-intensive to be meaningful.

Can peer support really make a difference?

Yes. Research shows that peer support reduces parental stress, increases confidence, improves mental health, and helps families feel less isolated. But beyond the research, countless parents will tell you: finding your people changes everything.

Key takeaways

• Family-led support spaces create deeper understanding and trust because they're built on lived experience, not just professional training.

• Many neurodivergent families experience hidden isolation, feeling judged or misunderstood by their communities.

• Peer groups reduce shame and rebuild confidence by normalising struggles and celebrating strengths.

• Neuroaffirming spaces allow parents to unmask and learn safely, honouring their own neurodivergence as well as their children's.

• Regional and rural families benefit enormously from online peer connection, breaking down geographic barriers to support.

• Lived experience and evidence-based practice work best together, creating holistic, flexible, and deeply human support.

• Community is essential, not optional, for neurodivergent families navigating a world that wasn't built for them.

How to find (or create) your peer support village

If you're looking for support:

1. Start with established organisations like Belongside Families, Autism Spectrum Australia (Aspect), or local autism support groups.

2. Look for online communities if in-person options aren't available. Facebook groups, forums, and virtual meetups can be equally valuable.

3. Ask your therapists or educators if they know of local peer support groups. Many are connected to networks you won't find through a Google search.

4. Try a few different groups to find the right fit. Not every group will feel like home, and that's okay.

5. Be patient with yourself. It can feel vulnerable to show up and share your story. Go at your own pace.

If you want to start your own group:

1. Start small. Even three or four families meeting regularly can create meaningful connection.

2. Choose a format that works for you: coffee meetups, park playdates, online Zoom calls, or a private Facebook group.

3. Set clear intentions. Is this a space for venting? Learning? Socialising? Advocacy? Knowing your purpose helps attract the right people.

4. Create a safe, affirming culture. Set ground rules around confidentiality, respect, and neuroaffirming language.

5. Don't try to do it all yourself. Share facilitation, rotate hosting, and let the group be co-created by everyone involved.

Belonging is a necessity

At the heart of this conversation is a simple but profound truth: neurodivergent families need each other.

Not because professional support isn't valuable. Not because you can't do this alone (though you shouldn't have to). But because there's something irreplaceable about being in a room—virtual or physical—with people who just get it.

People who don't need you to explain why your child can't wear jeans. People who celebrate the small wins with you because they know how hard-won they are. People who remind you, on the hardest days, that you're not failing—you're navigating a system that wasn't built for your family, and you're doing it with courage and love.

Kristy and Eliza's work with Belongside Families is a testament to what's possible when families come together. When lived experience is honoured. When connection is prioritised. When belonging is treated not as a luxury, but as a necessity.

These neuroaffirming spaces also model the kind of connection-based approach that works when building authentic relationships with neurodivergent young people, whether at home, school, or in therapy settings.

If you're reading this and feeling isolated, know this: your people are out there. And when you find them, everything changes.

Connect with Kristy Cartan & Eliza Hoare

Kristy and Eliza are Peer Facilitators and Community Engagement Officers at Belongside Families, a family-led organisation supporting parents and carers raising neurodivergent children.

Website: https://belongsidefamilies.org.au/
Join the mailing list: https://belongsidefamilies.org.au/joinourmailinglist/
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/belongsidecommunity