Energy accounting: Prevent neurodivergent burnout

Your child drags themselves through the front door after school, drops their bag, and collapses on the couch. They're too exhausted to eat dinner or tackle homework or that after-school activity you've signed them up for. You watch them, feeling helpless, wondering: why is this so hard? Everyone goes to school. Why does it leave my child completely depleted?

What if the problem isn't your child's resilience? What if we've fundamentally misunderstood how neurodivergent nervous systems work, and how much energy everyday life costs them? What if what you're seeing is autistic burnout, and there's a way to prevent it before it starts?

In Episode 9 of the Neurodivergent Pulse podcast, host Laetitia Andrac speaks with Sandhya Menon, an AuDHD developmental psychologist and author of the much-loved children's books The Brain Forest, The Rainbow Brain, and My Body's Power Pack. Together, they explore energy accounting: a practical framework for understanding how neurodivergent nervous systems gain and lose energy throughout the day, and how families can shift from reactive crisis management to proactive wellbeing planning.

What is energy accounting?

Energy accounting treats your energy like a bank account. Just as you track money coming in and going out to stay financially healthy, you can track what charges your nervous system and what drains it.

The goal is simple: stay in the black, not the red.

Sandhya explains that she didn't invent this concept. It builds on spoon theory from the chronic illness community, evolving within the autistic community as a way to understand and manage energy more proactively. The key insight? Neurodivergent nervous systems often lose energy unconsciously through everyday stimuli we don't even register.

"So energy is just kind of flowing out of our nervous system and we don't even realise it," Sandhya shares. "Like going to a shopping mall. We think that's normal, but it's the lights, it's the sounds, it's the noise that's having this impact on our nervous system, and we're not cognitively aware of it."

For parents, this reframe is powerful. Your child isn't being difficult. Their nervous system is processing far more information than you can see, and it's costing them energy you didn't know they were spending. Parents of neurodivergent children spend an average of 10.5 hours each week on emotional regulation, advocacy, and administration alone (see our research on the invisible load). Having a framework like energy accounting helps make this essential work more effective and proactive.

What drains your child's energy (that you might not see)

One of the most surprising aspects of energy accounting is discovering that activities society tells us should recharge us may drain neurodivergent nervous systems instead.

Sandhya shares a personal discovery that illustrates this perfectly:

I was surprised because I was doing things that I thought was charging me like sitting on the grass in the sun watching my children play. That sounds like a charger. But my watch was telling me, 'You've got a high stress rate. Take a moment to breathe.'

She realised that her hyperempathy meant she was unconsciously tracking her children's interactions, and temperature fluctuations were affecting her regulation. What looked like a peaceful moment was stressing her nervous system.

This is where questioning neuronormative expectations becomes essential. "We're actually starting to question is what's supposed to be a charger like socialising for example actually a drainer for us?" Sandhya asks.

Common activities that might be drainers despite seeming like chargers:

• Socialising with friends or at gatherings

• Children's birthday parties

• Being outside in variable temperatures

• Watching children play (especially if you're tracking their interactions)

• Activities with unpredictable sensory input

The invitation here is to classify your regulators accurately rather than accepting assumptions. What works for your nervous system? Not what you think should work, but what does? This means letting go of what you think should work and tuning into what does.

Why is my autistic child so tired after school?

Perhaps the biggest misconception Sandhya challenges is the idea that school is easy because everyone does it.

"We grow up with is that school is easy," she explains. "You go to school and you're supposed to have enough energy for after-school activities. And you know, sometimes we kind of push through when our child needs rest."

For neurodivergent children, school can be a massive drain on the nervous system. The sensory environment, social demands, executive function requirements, and constant regulation needed to navigate the school day add up to an energy cost that's often invisible to others. Research shows that 64% of parents with neurodivergent children often feel exhausted and overwhelmed (Understanding Zoe's research on neurodivergent families), reflecting the reality that school takes far more energy than many realise.

This is where Sandhya's family approach offers a radical alternative. "You always can just call for a day off because now I've readjusted my understanding, you know, my understanding of what school actually is on your nervous system," she shares.

In their family, children can request rest days from school. Ideally, they plan a couple of days in advance, though emergency days off are available too. The goal is to prevent burnout rather than constantly recovering from it.

This might feel uncomfortable if you've been taught that school attendance is non-negotiable. But consider: would you rather your child push through until they reach crisis, or learn to recognise their limits and ask for what they need? For some families, there comes a point when school becomes unsustainable for a child's nervous system, and understanding that possibility can help you plan proactively.

How to prevent autistic burnout before it starts

The shift from reactive to proactive energy management is where energy accounting becomes truly powerful.

"Ideally, a couple of days in advance. I need a day off. Also available for emergency days off. Absolutely. But we try to start planning this so we're staying in that black, right? We don't get to the red and then go, 'Oh, no. We should have done this earlier,'" Sandhya explains.

Teaching children to recognise when their power pack is low and request accommodations in advance requires modelling. Parents need to talk about their own energy levels openly.

Ways to model energy accounting with your child:

• "My power pack is low, I need quiet time"

• "My power pack is high, let's do something together"

• "I'm in the orange zone, can we do one hour instead of two?"

• "I've got a big week coming up, so I'm planning some rest time on the weekend"

The language of the power pack, drawn from Sandhya's book My Body's Power Pack, gives children a concrete, shame-free way to talk about their energy. It's not about being weak or lazy. It's about being honest about your battery level.

How to support your child experiencing autistic burnout

When your child comes home exhausted, your instinct might be to ask what happened or how they're feeling. But here's the thing: their power pack is too low for that conversation.

Their power pack's too low to do that. We have to recharge and bring them up to a more cognitive state first before they can use any language to go through that.

Instead of pushing depleted children to explain themselves, Sandhya recommends offering simple recharging options without expectation. "Notice when we're charged up and happy so you know when they come back really tired just go ah looks like your power pack has low. Here's a snack, right? Do you want some quiet or read a book together?"

This approach of recharging first, processing later, is about understanding what's happening beneath the surface rather than demanding explanations when your child has no capacity to give them.

Simple recharging options to offer:

• A snack (low-preparation, familiar foods work best)

• Quiet time in their room or a calm space

• Reading together without discussion

• Headphones and time to decompress

• Time on the trampoline for those who need movement to regulate

The principle is: recharge first, process later. Once your child's power pack has recovered, they'll have the capacity for language and reflection. Pushing them to articulate their experience while depleted only drains them further.

This is where tools like Understanding Zoe can help parents track patterns over time. By noting what depletes and recharges your child, you turn observations into actionable insights, building a clearer picture of their unique energy accounting.

How to support different energy needs in one family

Energy accounting gets more complex when you're managing multiple nervous systems in one family or classroom. After the same activity, one person might be fully charged while another is completely drained.

"It's not a surprise that people have different nervous systems," Sandhya notes. Yet our systems are often built as if everyone should have the same needs.

Her family's approach offers a practical model. They have a jar of energising activities, and after shared experiences, each family member can choose what they need. One child reads. Another goes on the trampoline. Sandhya rests on the deck. They're sharing space, but honouring different needs.

"Plan for diversity is the message that we're going for," she explains.

The key is making these options predictable. When it's not a surprise that people need different things, there's no conflict. It's simply how your family or classroom operates.

In Sandhya's family example:

• One child with a low power pack reads quietly

• Another child with a high power pack uses the trampoline

• The parent with a low power pack rests on the deck

• Everyone shares space while meeting their individual needs

This systems approach recognises that we're not all doing the same thing. We're all learning, resting, or recharging in ways that work for us.

For teachers: recognising early signs of autistic burnout

If you're an educator reading this, Sandhya has specific guidance for you. In her book My Body's Power Pack, there's an image of children lining up outside a classroom, each with different power pack levels.

"Not everyone is going to start the day on 100%. Some of them will start at 50. Some of them start at 20. We all have different starting points," she explains.

When you normalise this reality, you create space for students to check in with you about their energy levels. You communicate: it's okay to take it slower. I'm here for what you need.

Learning to recognise individual students' signs of low energy is crucial. For some students, it's obvious in their body language. For others, you're looking for micro-expressions: a straight line instead of a smile, sitting more quietly than usual, less readiness to contribute.

In practice, this might look like offering different learning spaces: "Those who want to work quietly, grab your headphones and sit on this table. Those who want group discussions, you're on the other end."

As Sandhya puts it: "We're not all doing the same. We're all learning. That's the same thing. But we're all learning in a way that works for us."

Creating daily rituals that recharge your nervous system

Energy accounting isn't about managing drains alone. It's about intentionally creating moments that ground and recharge you.

Sandhya shares her own sacred ritual: every morning, she makes freshly brewed coffee and pours it into her special whale cup. She sits outside, listens to the birds, and takes five minutes to connect with her body. That's it. No other expectations.

The power of this ritual lies in its predictability and intention. It's not about the coffee itself. It's about creating a consistent moment that signals to her nervous system: this is your time. You don't have to do anything except be here.

What could your sacred ritual be? It doesn't need to be elaborate. It needs to be yours, predictable, and intentional. And if you're looking for ways to make your home environment more supportive of these recharging moments, consider creating calm, sensory-friendly spaces where your whole family can regulate.

Preventing neurodivergent burnout: next steps

Energy accounting is fundamentally about prevention, not recovery. By understanding how neurodivergent nervous systems work and planning proactively, families can stay in the black rather than constantly recovering from the red.

This requires questioning what we've been told should work and tuning into what does. It means recognising that school takes more energy than we've acknowledged. It means teaching children to request rest before they reach crisis. And it means designing systems that honour the reality that we all have different needs.

Start small. Notice your child's energy levels today. When they come home depleted, offer simple recharging options without asking them to explain how they feel. Consider introducing the power pack language in your family, making it normal to talk about energy levels openly.

And if you're looking for child-friendly ways to introduce these concepts, Sandhya's books offer beautiful, accessible entry points. My Body's Power Pack gives children the language to understand and communicate about their energy in ways that feel empowering, not shameful.

Small changes make a difference. You don't need to overhaul everything at once. Start noticing. Start naming. Start planning to stay in the black.

Connect with Sandhya Menon

• Website: Onwards and Upwards Psychology

• Instagram: @onwardsandupwardspsych

• Facebook: @onanduppsych

• Books: The Brain Forest, The Rainbow Brain, and My Body's Power Pack (available wherever you get your books)

• Card deck: Available on her website