Energy accounting: Prevent neurodivergent burnout

Your child drags themselves through the front door after school. They drop their bag and collapse on the couch. They are too exhausted to eat dinner or do homework. The after-school activity you signed them up for is out of reach. You watch them, feeling helpless, wondering: why is this so hard? Everyone goes to school. Why does it leave my child completely depleted?

What if the problem is not your child's resilience? What if we have misunderstood how neurodivergent nervous systems work? What if everyday life costs them far more energy than we think? What if you are seeing autistic burnout? There is a way to prevent it before it starts.

In Episode 9 of the Neurodivergent Pulse podcast, Laetitia Andrac speaks with Sandhya Menon. Sandhya is an AuDHD developmental psychologist. She wrote the children's books The Brain Forest, The Rainbow Brain and My Body's Power Pack. Together they explore energy accounting. It is a practical framework for how neurodivergent nervous systems gain and lose energy. It helps families shift from reactive crisis management to proactive planning.

What is energy accounting?

Energy accounting treats your energy like a bank account. You track money coming in and going out to stay financially healthy. You can track your nervous system the same way. What charges it, and what drains it.

The goal is simple: stay in the black, not the red.

Sandhya explains that she did not invent this concept. It builds on spoon theory from the chronic illness community. The autistic community developed it further. It became a way to manage energy more proactively. The key insight? Neurodivergent nervous systems often lose energy unconsciously through everyday stimuli we do not register.

Energy accounting was created by Maja Toudal, an Autistic psychologist. She developed it further with Tony Attwood.

"So energy is just kind of flowing out of our nervous system and we don't even realise it," Sandhya shares. "Like going to a shopping mall. We think that's normal, but it's the lights, it's the sounds, it's the noise that's having this impact on our nervous system, and we're not cognitively aware of it."

For parents, this reframe is powerful. Your child is not being difficult. Their nervous system is processing far more than you can see. It costs them energy you did not know they were spending. Parents of neurodivergent children spend an average of 10.5 hours each week. That is on emotional regulation, advocacy and administration alone. See our research on the invisible load. Having a framework like energy accounting helps make this essential work more effective.

What drains your child's energy (that you might not see)

Energy accounting holds one surprise. Activities that society says should recharge us may drain a neurodivergent nervous system instead.

Sandhya shares a personal discovery that illustrates this perfectly:

I was surprised because I was doing things that I thought was charging me like sitting on the grass in the sun watching my children play. That sounds like a charger. But my watch was telling me, 'You've got a high stress rate. Take a moment to breathe.'

Her hyperempathy meant she was unconsciously tracking her children's interactions. Temperature changes were affecting her regulation too. What looked like a peaceful moment was stressing her nervous system.

This is where questioning neuronormative expectations becomes essential. "We're actually starting to question is what's supposed to be a charger like socialising for example actually a drainer for us?" Sandhya asks.

Common activities that might be drainers despite seeming like chargers:

• Socialising with friends or at gatherings

• Children's birthday parties

• Being outside in variable temperatures

• Watching children play (especially if you're tracking their interactions)

• Activities with unpredictable sensory input

The invitation here is to classify your regulators accurately rather than accepting assumptions. What works for your nervous system? Not what you think should work, but what does? This means letting go of what you think should work and tuning into what does.

Why is my autistic child so tired after school?

Sandhya challenges one big misconception. School is not easy just because everyone does it.

"We grow up with is that school is easy," she explains. "You go to school and you're supposed to have enough energy for after-school activities. And you know, sometimes we kind of push through when our child needs rest."

For neurodivergent children, school can be a massive drain on the nervous system. The sensory environment, social demands and executive function requirements all cost energy. So does the constant regulation needed to get through the day. That cost is often invisible to others. Research shows that 64% of parents with neurodivergent children often feel exhausted and overwhelmed. See Understanding Zoe's research on neurodivergent families. School takes far more energy than many realise.

This is where Sandhya's family approach offers a radical alternative. "You always can just call for a day off because now I've readjusted my understanding, you know, my understanding of what school actually is on your nervous system," she shares.

In their family, children can request rest days from school. Ideally they plan a couple of days in advance. Emergency days off are available too. The goal is to prevent burnout rather than constantly recovering from it.

This might feel uncomfortable if you have been taught that school attendance is non-negotiable. But consider the choice. Would you rather your child push through until crisis? Or learn to recognise their limits and ask for what they need? For some families there comes a point when school becomes unsustainable. Understanding that possibility helps you plan proactively.

How to prevent autistic burnout before it starts

The shift from reactive to proactive energy management is where energy accounting becomes truly powerful.

"Ideally, a couple of days in advance. I need a day off. Also available for emergency days off. Absolutely. But we try to start planning this so we're staying in that black, right? We don't get to the red and then go, 'Oh, no. We should have done this earlier,'" Sandhya explains.

Children can learn to notice when their power pack is low. They can then ask for what they need in advance. That takes modelling. Parents need to talk about their own energy levels openly.

Ways to model energy accounting with your child:

• "My power pack is low, I need quiet time"

• "My power pack is high, let's do something together"

• "I'm in the orange zone, can we do one hour instead of two?"

• "I've got a big week coming up, so I'm planning some rest time on the weekend"

The power pack language comes from Sandhya's book My Body's Power Pack. It gives children a concrete, shame-free way to talk about energy. It is not about being weak or lazy. It is about being honest about your battery level.

How to support your child experiencing autistic burnout

Your child comes home exhausted. Your instinct might be to ask what happened, or how they feel. But their power pack is too low for that conversation.

Their power pack's too low to do that. We have to recharge and bring them up to a more cognitive state first before they can use any language to go through that.

Do not push a depleted child to explain themselves. Sandhya recommends offering simple recharging options without expectation. "Notice when we're charged up and happy so you know when they come back really tired just go ah looks like your power pack has low. Here's a snack, right? Do you want some quiet or read a book together?"

Recharge first, process later. It is about understanding what is happening beneath the surface. Do not demand explanations when your child has no capacity to give them.

Simple recharging options to offer:

• A snack (low-preparation, familiar foods work best)

• Quiet time in their room or a calm space

• Reading together without discussion

• Headphones and time to decompress

• Time on the trampoline for those who need movement to regulate

The principle is: recharge first, process later. Once your child's power pack recovers, they will have capacity for language and reflection. Pushing them to articulate their experience while depleted only drains them further.

This is where tools like Understanding Zoe can help parents track patterns over time. Note what depletes and recharges your child. You turn observations into useful insights. You build a clearer picture of their own energy accounting.

How to support different energy needs in one family

Energy accounting gets more complex with several nervous systems in one place. That could be a family or a classroom. After the same activity, one person might be fully charged while another is completely drained.

"It's not a surprise that people have different nervous systems," Sandhya notes. Yet our systems are often built as if everyone should have the same needs.

Her family's approach offers a practical model. They keep a jar of energising activities. After a shared experience, each family member chooses what they need. One child reads. Another goes on the trampoline. Sandhya rests on the deck. They share space, but honour different needs.

"Plan for diversity is the message that we're going for," she explains.

The key is making these options predictable. When it is no surprise that people need different things, there is no conflict. It is simply how your family or classroom operates.

In Sandhya's family example:

• One child with a low power pack reads quietly

• Another child with a high power pack uses the trampoline

• The parent with a low power pack rests on the deck

• Everyone shares space while meeting their individual needs

This systems approach recognises that we are not all doing the same thing. We are all learning, resting or recharging in ways that work for us.

For teachers: recognising early signs of autistic burnout

If you are an educator reading this, Sandhya has specific guidance for you. Her book My Body's Power Pack has an image of children lining up outside a classroom. Each has a different power pack level.

"Not everyone is going to start the day on 100%. Some of them will start at 50. Some of them start at 20. We all have different starting points," she explains.

Normalise this reality and you create space for students. They can check in with you about their energy levels. You communicate one thing: it is okay to take it slower. I am here for what you need.

Learning to recognise individual students' signs of low energy is crucial. For some students it is obvious in their body language. For others you are looking for micro-expressions. A straight line instead of a smile. Sitting more quietly than usual. Less readiness to contribute.

In practice this might look like offering different learning spaces. "Those who want to work quietly, grab your headphones and sit on this table. Those who want group discussions, you're on the other end."

As Sandhya puts it: "We're not all doing the same. We're all learning. That's the same thing. But we're all learning in a way that works for us."

Creating daily rituals that recharge your nervous system

Energy accounting is not about managing drains alone. It is about creating moments that ground and recharge you.

Sandhya shares her own sacred ritual. Every morning she brews fresh coffee. She pours it into her special whale cup. She sits outside and listens to the birds. She takes five minutes to connect with her body. That is it. No other expectations.

The power of this ritual lies in its predictability and intention. It is not about the coffee itself. It is a consistent moment that signals something to her nervous system. This is your time. You do not have to do anything except be here.

What could your sacred ritual be? It does not need to be elaborate. It needs to be yours, predictable, and intentional. You may want a home that supports these recharging moments. Consider creating calm, sensory-friendly spaces where your whole family can regulate.

Preventing neurodivergent burnout: next steps

Energy accounting is fundamentally about prevention, not recovery. Understand how neurodivergent nervous systems work, then plan ahead. Families can stay in the black. They stop constantly recovering from the red.

This requires questioning what we have been told should work. It means tuning into what actually does. It means recognising that school takes more energy than we have acknowledged. It means teaching children to request rest before they reach crisis. And it means designing systems that honour the reality that we all have different needs.

Start small. Notice your child's energy levels today. When they come home depleted, offer simple recharging options. Do not ask them to explain how they feel. Consider introducing the power pack language in your family. Make it normal to talk about energy levels openly.

Sandhya's books offer beautiful, accessible entry points. They are a child-friendly way into these ideas. My Body's Power Pack gives children the language for their energy. It helps them talk about it in a way that feels empowering, not shameful.

Small changes make a difference. You do not need to overhaul everything at once. Start noticing. Start naming. Start planning to stay in the black.

Connect with Sandhya Menon

• Website: Onwards and Upwards Psychology

• Instagram: @onwardsandupwardspsych

• Facebook: @onanduppsych

• Books: The Brain Forest, The Rainbow Brain, and My Body's Power Pack. Available wherever you get your books.

• Card deck: Available on her website

Further reading

• Raymaker and colleagues, Defining Autistic Burnout, Autism in Adulthood, 2020
• Autism CRC, Investigating autistic burnout
• Reframing Autism, Navigating Autistic Burnout
• Maja Toudal and Tony Attwood, Energy Accounting, Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2024