Where is the village? Building neurodivergent community

You show up to the birthday party. You stay in the room the whole time because your child needs you there to feel safe. Every other parent has gone to the kitchen for coffee and a chat. You are the only one left. You smile when another parent glances in. You tell yourself it is fine.

It is not fine. And it is not your fault. The room was never built for your child. Nobody told you that before you walked in.

In Episode 47 of the Neurodivergent Pulse podcast, host Laetitia Andrac turns the microphone on herself for a solo episode about the village. Laetitia is the co-founder and CEO of Understanding Zoe. She is an Autistic ADHDer, a trauma-informed therapist, and a neurodivergent mum. She grew up in a small village in the south of France before moving to Australia. She draws on her own lived experience of isolation, her research into parental loneliness, and over 200 circles and gatherings she has facilitated. Her question: what does it actually take to build a community where neurodivergent people genuinely feel welcome?

A village where someone always showed up

We were never meant to do this alone. That is not a motivational line. For most of human history, it was simply how life worked.

Laetitia grew up in a small village in the south of France. Community care was woven into ordinary days. Neighbours took the kids to soccer. Someone fed you when your parents were away. Nobody had to ask. That was just what a village did.

She describes it plainly: we're never meant to do it on our own. Then she packed everything into a suitcase and moved to Sydney, 24 hours from everything she knew. What she found was a big city and very little of that.

That contrast sits at the heart of this episode. Not as nostalgia, but as a question worth asking. If community care used to be the default, what happened to it? And what does it cost us when it disappears?

Why do neurodivergent families feel so isolated?

Autism parent isolation often takes two forms. Your child does not get invited at all. Or they get invited into a space that was never going to work for them.

Laetitia describes what birthday parties actually looked like for her family: for many birthday party where we ended up being invited, which is not that many, but for those that we ended up being invited, I had to stay in the room and I was often the only parent of the kids that was invited to stay in the room because my kiddos needed me to co-regulate. Co-regulation is when a calmer person helps a child manage their feelings and nervous system. Speech pathologist Alana Cameron explains why co-regulation matters for neurodivergent children in a way that is practical and easy to use.

That image is one many parents will know. Standing in a room full of noise and movement. Watching your child while everyone else has moved on to the next room. Doing the right thing for your child, and feeling completely alone doing it.

Understanding Zoe's own research found that 44% of parents raising neurodivergent children feel isolated. That compares with 18% of parents raising neurotypical children. The gap is not a coincidence. Most spaces and systems were never designed with neurodivergent families in mind. We have written about how peer support reduces isolation for neurodivergent families and the difference it makes when you finally find people who get it.

The same thing happens to neurodivergent adults. Work drinks at a loud bar. A wedding with no quiet space. A hen's party that runs on a schedule nobody shared in advance. Laetitia names all of these, then she names the reframe that changes everything:

it is not that we can't cope being in those room, it's that those room were not designed for us in the first place

That shift matters. It moves the problem from the person to the environment. And if the environment is the problem, the environment can be changed.

To every parent who has been the only one staying in the room, Laetitia says directly: if that ever happened to you as a parent, I see you, I hear you, I am here.

The real cost of spaces not designed for neurodivergent people

Attending spaces that were not built for your nervous system has a real cost. It lands in the body, and it does not stay invisible.

Laetitia recorded this episode the day after attending an event that was not designed with her in mind. She is honest about what it cost her: I was invited to an event where it was really not designed in the right way for me and I had a massive migraine and I went to bed at 7:30 and I was completely debilitated.

That is one person, one evening. But the pattern is widespread. Understanding Zoe's research, Making the Invisible Visible, found that 44% of parents raising neurodivergent children told us that they feel isolated, whereas for other parents, parents raising neurotypical children, it's 18%. That is more than double. It is not a personal failing. It is a structural gap with a measurable shape.

If you recognise that cost in yourself, our conversation with disability advocate Hollie-Ann Newman explores the real cost of masking and attending spaces not built for you. It also covers why caregiver needs belong in the conversation. You can read the full research in Understanding Zoe's report on neurodivergent families.

What does a sensory-friendly, neurodivergent-inclusive gathering look like?

Inclusive gatherings do not require a specialist venue or a big budget. They require designing on purpose instead of by accident.

Laetitia has facilitated over 200 circles and gatherings. She is also a trauma-informed therapist, though she says she rarely mentions it. What she has learned is that the ingredients for a sensory-friendly event are straightforward. She describes it as creating that space where everyone has a predictable structure so that they feel safer, where there is a lower sensory load, where they know that they're safe to be themselves, and they have the permission to say, stay silent, share something in the chat, or speak if they want to. All modes of communication are open.

Here is what that looks like in practice:

• Share the structure in advance. Tell people what will happen, in what order, and for how long. Nobody should have to guess what is coming next.
• Lower the sensory load. Dim the lights where you can. Soften the music. Skip surprise loud moments like party poppers or sudden announcements.
• Offer multiple ways to participate. Speaking is one option. Typing in a chat, sitting quietly, or moving around the room are others. All of these count.
• Give explicit permission to leave. Say it out loud at the start: you can go whenever you need to, no explanation required.
• Welcome different ways of being in the room. Stimming, sitting on the floor, arriving late, leaving early. These are not disruptions. They are people taking care of themselves.
• Think about food. Check for dietary needs in advance. Having something people can actually eat is part of feeling welcome.

As Laetitia puts it: none of this is complicated, it's just designing with everyone in mind.

How to find your neurodivergent community where you are

The village does not have to be a memory of somewhere else. It can be built, deliberately, right where you are.

If you are wondering why neurodivergent parents feel so alone, Understanding Zoe co-founders Laetitia and Johan explore this honestly.

When Laetitia and her co-founder built Understanding Zoe, community for neurodivergent families was not an afterthought. She is clear about this: the village was not a metaphor, um, or something we added later in the app. Straight away it was a core feature. Inside the app, you can invite your partner, your child's teacher, a therapist, grandparents, or a support worker. Anyone who wants to understand your child better can be part of it.

Understanding Zoe is turning two. To mark it, the team is hosting a Village Gathering in Sydney on 24 October 2026. It runs from 3:00 to 5:00 pm on Gadigal Country. It is free. It is designed to be the kind of event this episode describes: lower sensory load, flexible participation, no pressure to stay the whole time.

Laetitia describes what you can expect: You will be able to stim freely. You can arrive at any time you want. You can sit on the floor. There is absolutely no pressure to stay for the whole event.

If you are in Sydney, you can register for the Village Gathering now. Spots are limited. If you are not in Sydney, an online Village Gathering is planned for November. Reach out to the team to find out more.

And if you want to bring your village into the day-to-day work of supporting your child, you can try Understanding Zoe free for 7 days.

Bring your village

A village does not have to be biological family. It does not have to be the people you grew up with. It is anyone willing to show up and learn.

That might be a friend, a peer, your child's teacher, a therapist, or a support worker. It might be someone who has never heard the word neurodivergent before but wants to understand. The only requirement is that they are willing.

community only exists when everyone is welcome and everyone feels welcome.

That is the standard. Not just invited. Not just tolerated. Actually welcome.

Laetitia ends the episode with an invitation worth repeating. Make the village a real thing again. Not a nostalgic idea, but a small group of people who know each other, support each other, and accept everyone who walks in.

You are not meant to hold this alone. The village is still possible. We just have to start building rooms that were designed for everyone from the beginning.

Frequently asked questions

What is the neurodivergent community?

The neurodivergent community is a broad, informal network of people whose brains work differently from what is considered typical. This includes Autistic people, ADHDers, people with dyslexia, dyspraxia, and many others. It also includes their families, carers, and allies. It is not one organisation or place. It is any space, online or in person, where neurodivergent people and those who love them can find understanding and connection. No masking required.

Why do autism parents feel so alone?

Autism parent isolation is real, and it is structural rather than personal. Understanding Zoe's own research found that 44% of parents raising neurodivergent children feel isolated. That compares with 18% of parents raising neurotypical children. Most community spaces, events, and social rituals were not designed with neurodivergent families in mind. When your child cannot attend, or you have to stay in the room while everyone else leaves, the loneliness is a design problem. It is not a personal failing. You can read more about why peer support matters for autism parents and what genuine community can do for families carrying this load.

What is a sensory-friendly event?

A sensory-friendly event is one designed to reduce sensory overload and increase predictability. In practice, this means sharing the schedule in advance. It means lowering lighting and sound levels and avoiding sudden loud moments. It means offering multiple ways to participate beyond just speaking. It also means giving people explicit permission to arrive late, leave early, or step out without explanation. Sensory-friendly design benefits neurodivergent attendees and often makes events more comfortable for everyone.

How do neurodivergent people find community?

Finding a neurodivergent community often starts with looking for spaces built with neurodivergent people in mind, rather than adapted as an afterthought. Online communities, peer support groups, and apps like Understanding Zoe can connect families with others who share similar experiences. In-person gatherings designed around lower sensory load and flexible participation, like the Understanding Zoe Village Gathering, are another way to find genuine connection without the cost of masking. If you want to understand the research and lived experience behind this platform, read the story behind why Understanding Zoe was built.

Connect with Laetitia and Understanding Zoe

• Understanding Zoe website
• Understanding Zoe on Instagram
• Register for the Village Gathering, Sydney, 24 October 2026
• Try Understanding Zoe free for 7 days